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Li, intersex Centauri goddess of Passion, fascinates me. She is depicted as a dancing nude figure, in a state of arousal (it seems), mid step, arms raised, head thrown back, in a moment of joyous abandon. The sculptor for the show really did a wonderful job of conveying a huge amount of information about a religion that is never explored or mentioned more than once in her pose. There is some canon-ish information about her out there, stating that she was based on a historical figure who advocated for romantic love, joyful engagement with sex, and big families. That last one feels a bit propaganda like, as though some scholar, eager to please the throne, tacked it on a century after her death. Who can say.

At any rate, Li owns herself and identifies herself as She, while still cultivating a masculine crest and utilizing her 'attributes' artfully in her exuberant dance. She Embodies her own interpretation of herself. While I am in favor of love and sex, it is her bravery and joyful exhibition of her body and self that is most compelling to me. I cannot fathom being that brave. Despite the restrictions and intense patriarchy and hierarchy of their culture, the simple existence of Li the dancer, Li the lover, Li the passionate, and the place of honor her statue receives in the Centauri ambassador's home and on his banquet table seems to indicate she's not a secret cult, not a quietly venerated or propitiated goddess. Rather, she is openly embraced and loved by her people, alongside the other 48 deities of the Centauri (49 if one is a liberal).

How interesting that must be, to be a small child at temple with your mother, to see a naked body that is just like (but not like) your own body, unashamed and enthusiastic. Not engaged in sex, not thought to be obscene. Just naked. Just like we all are under our clothes. How reassuring that must be. Some of your gods have bodies and they like living in their body. They like feeling their body and they like showing how happy they are by dancing.

What kind of a culture embraces that goddess, while also embracing rigidity and oppressive stricture in so many arenas?

I like to play with that. To compare and contrast human patriarchy with Centauri patriarchy. Convergent evolution made them so like us, and so very different. A society that a human viewer looks at and says, "Ah, I understand this. Polygamy is always horrible, patriarchy arises from religion, look how ostentations they are. Bourgeois bastards, the lot." And... Yes. Londo Mollari is the only husband we see in the show, and he's terrible. His wives are terrible (well, two are). The royal court of Cartagia is a collection of spineless dilettantes and sycophants. But these are a small sample size. What if there are happy families? Women who take the world they live in and bend it to their true will? A culture that values ostentation because it reveres artisans and creativity? Brave men who put their foot down and say "No more." Goddesses who dance naked under the sky?

Ramblings

Jan. 10th, 2025 06:57 pm
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Last year, in May or June, I joined a small Discord group. The group, of which I am still a happy member, was advertised as an NSFW friendly Babylon 5 server, and, on a whim and with the hope that someone else in the world has the warm fuzzies about Londo Mollari (spoiler; oh yes. More than one other person), I joined. That server has, despite or because of it's small size, been a catalyst for two significant realizations.

The first uncomfortable but necessary realization, was that cult like behavior exists outside of the religion of my youth, and that I can miss the signs in a big fucking way, almost certainly because of the aforementioned religion of my youth. Fortunately, clarifying events cast light over signals I was missing and that has provided the opportunity figure out why I was susceptible to grooming in that way, and why it felt familiar and therefore safe, even when it wasn't. So that sucked, but is ultimately for the good. I guess. I still feel stupid, but I've read a lot more on cult recovery in the last few months, and that's been informative and would keep my therapist busy if I was still going...

The second and INFINITELY more fun realization, is I that I can write fanfiction. Since I've joined that group, I've written around 18'000 words. I know that's not very much, but considering that since I dropped out of college in '05, I've written ZERO words of creative writing, I'm going to let myself be proud. And, I want to be clear - if I hadn't joined the group, I wouldn't have written the fanfiction. The community there is supportive, encouraging, and so creative. It's a warm, diverse, inclusive place that is safe enough for me to be vulnerable enough to try 'embarrassing' things. Like writing fanfiction. And talking to my partner about parts of my sexuality that I previously kept in a locked box stored at the bottom of a mental mineshaft that only came out in complete solitude and shame. Those two things are connected in a weird labyrinth that we're not going to get into. Just trust me.

So this first post is a hurrah for online communities. The connections made on the internet are real and liberating and nourishing. And challenging and bumpy too sometimes. Just like real world communities.

I will probably use this dreamwidth journal to muse about my favorite race on the show Babylon 5, the Centauri. Worldbuilding, headcanons, stuff like that. And, because I am incapable of keeping my real life separate from my online life, probably that too.

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